Getting on the Right Track

What's one thing I hear from most people lately?

"I need to get on the right track."

Yes, this is a hard thing to accomplished once you've derailed so hard that your head is permanently stuck up your ass, but it can be done. There are a few steps to get your life "back on track" that you just can't ignore though. I'm not saying you have to be a god damned life Nazi, but you do have to ask yourself questions like "Should I really be doing this?" and "Is there a better way?" Hell, there are thousands of questions you should constantly check yourself with when trying to unscrew your life.

What's got me ranting about this?

Well... *snickers a little* I have some friends that want to "get their lives back on track" that CONSTANTLY do things opposite of what they probably should. Here are some examples (in detail or course because that's just how I roll):

1) "I really should get myself into a regular sleeping pattern/schedule."

Ok. That's an easy task if you have the willpower to do it. GO TO FUCKING BED BEFORE MIDNIGHT! Doesn't mean you have to adhere to the rule EVERY night, but I'd say 5 out of the seven nights in a week would be perfect. Try for Sunday night through Thursday night. Trust me, you'll feel a lot better through the daylight hours if you go to bed at or before midnight and then wake up at a decent time to start your day. Eating breakfast really helps too.

2) "I'm out of shape."

Then fucking do something about it. When someone offers to help you or exercise with you, take them up on the offer. Don't make excuses about how your knees are bad or your back can't handle it. Guess what? Your shit is falling apart cause you let yourself go. Granted, I'm no beacon of athletic prowess, but I love the way I look, I don't get winded when I have to walk a flight of stairs, I don't bitch about my weight because if I wanted to be stick thin then I would work out all the damn time, and so on. Point being, if you don't like the way you look then put down the fucking cheeseburger and start doing something.

3) "I really want to finish school."

Then do it. Don't let family, friends, or other excuses drag you down. I've screwed myself over in school and been screwed out of my education before. Budget cuts, family deaths, and me just fucking around cost me some precious money and time. People getting kicked outta school for attendance, failing a class, or just not giving a rats ass....yeah, that shit won't fly. Here's how it works: You go to class and learn things, which mean you won't fail the class and in the long run you tend to give a shit about school in general because suddenly it's easier than you thought. For those who claim they "just can't do it" then I'd suggest you eliminate whatever is causing the low self-esteem issue. Everyone can do it. I have that much faith in the human race.

Now, there are a few people that are going to read this blog and get bent outta shape because they think I'm attacking them personally. Like I've said a million times before, I'm not attacking anyone. I'm simply voicing facts. This blog is a place for me to rant and rave about the stupid shit in life that makes you just cringe. If I'm going to attack someone outright, I'll most likely say their name at the beginning of the post or post it on my main blog (which you can get to if you know who I am and where to look).

All that said, I wish you all happy trails in your life journey.

Possibly Returning?

It's been a long while since this blog was back on it's feet. I have tried to rejuvinate it's pages before, but as always...it met an untimely demise....

So, the question is now: Do I allow myself to delve into this blog again?

The concept behind this blog was really pet peeves and other random annoyances that came about for myself and others, despite the popular belief surrounding the blog. Many saw it as my attack upon the patrons around me. The others knew better. ;)

Thus, I believe this blog may make it's return....with some help from others out there!

Open for Business Again: A Vituperation Concerning California Law Enforcement

California law enforcement rejoice.

You've made it on my shit list.

Quite a few months ago, my friend Mary and I took a lovely trip to Pismo Beach. We were flying like bats out of Hell towards our destination, knowing full well we were breaking the speed limit by nearly 20 miles an hour. We giggled and kept flying down that highway though. That was until we blew pass a Highway Patrol truck doing nearly 90 mph. The laughs were off. Mary was driving and got one hell of a ticket for speeding. Then the rather nice officer bid us a good day and got back in his truck. We were shaken, but ended up laughing about the whole ordeal not long after.

Fast forward to Sunday.

I'm driving and obeying every traffic law. Coming up to the four way stop just East of Fowler on Aullivial, I see a truck parked on the right side of the road only a couple feet from the stop signed. Luckily I wasn't some drunk driver or some asshole checking his CD player at that moment, because the jackass (who later turned out to be the son of a bitch cop that pulled me over) was parked partially in the road and had I not been paying attention, I would have rear ended him.

Cursing up a storm, I drive the rest of the way home (a VERY short distance) and notice the cop now following me. He flicked on his lights and followed me right into the apartment complex.

This is where things got interesting.

I got out of my car as he approached me. When I asked him what I'd been pulled over for, he asked me if I knew it was illegal to not have a front license plate. I was already pissed and said that yes, I knew it was illegal but the fact of the matter was that I always forget to put the damn thing on. He smiled and I about hit him. That's when I asked if that was the only reason he'd pulled me over. When he said yes and then asked for my license and insurance, I almost went postal.

This cop, parking illegally on a street and partially blocking the stop sign, had the audacity to follow me all the way to my apartment and ticket me for not having a front license plate?!

What.

The.

FUCK?

So now I'm standing at the carport only a couple hundred feet from my apartment while this dumbshit is explaining the law to me. I move to walk around my car so I could get my insurance out of my glove box and he flips out! His hand flies to his gun and in a very stern voice he tells me to stop and explain what I'm doing. "I'm getting what you asked for..." Jesus! What the hell!? He nods and relaxes.

To my dismay, the insurance isn't in the car because I still have it in the apartment. When I explain it to him, he says he can't let me go inside and then writes on the ticket that I have no proof of insurance.

God.

Fucking.

Dammit.

Now I have a license plate bullshit violation and he has me pegged as uninsured.

Jackass.

Then came the really fun part.

My drivers license.

They have yet to mail me my new one because of a damn eye exam I had to do, which delayed my license. So, he tickets me for not having a vallid drivers license.

Holy fucking shit.

Where does it end?

Needless to say my night was ruined and rather than going out, I now felt like absolute crap and stayed home.

Fuck you, law enforcement power whores.

Do your job instead of waiting on the side of the road to pull over someone without front license plates. Hell, I'm surprised the dumbass didn't ticket me for having a cracked windshield.

Rawr.

Closed.

This blog is closed until further notice.

New Favorite Words

Word:
fucksticks

Definition:
1. Used to express disgust, disappointment, frustration, contempt, or the like.
2. An exlamatory obscenity.
3. An insult.

Examples:
1. Fucksticks! I forgot to get my change from that hooker!
2. That guy just cut me off! What a fuckstick!
3. Holy fucksticks, Batman!



Word:
bastard

Definition:
1. Child without married parents.
2. One who is narcissistic and unknowingly frustrating.
3. The killer of Kenny.
4. A 70's band which changed their name to Motörhead.


Examples:
1. Your parents aren't married, hence you are a bastard.
2. You covered dog shit with a leaf and left it outside your brothers' front door because you thought it was funny, you bastard.
3. You killed kenny, you bastard.


Word:
fucktard

Definition:
1. A combination of the word "fuck" (to fornicate) and the word "tard" (to delay).
2. A person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective sexually.


Examples:
1. Betty is a fucktard because she wouldn't give it up till the 10th date.
2. Tyler is a fucktard. The guy only lasted 30 seconds.
3. What the hell, you fucktard!? Why would you stop at a red light and let me hit you going 80!?

Red Light Runner

Red stop lights mean stop, right?

Did I miss a memo?

Did someone forget to file that damn TPS report!?

Come on!

Driving to my parents Christmas Eve, being a good little driver, and I almost get creamed by a semi! I was driving north on Temperance and had to stop at the red light just under the 168 overpass. My CD's had managed to slide out of their cubby hole and were resting on my shifter, so I was busy fixing them when the annoyed SUV behind me honks because the lights green. I finish shuffling and start to roll into the intersection when a HUGE FUCKING SEMI blows through the red light to my right (exit off the 168) and barrels through the intersection!

Had I not seen my shifted CD's or spent the time to fix them despite the jackass behind me, I'd be roadkill right now.

Moral of the story:

DON'T DRIVE A SEMI LIKE THE REST OF THE WORLD WON'T DIE IF YOU CREAM THEM!

Fucking holiday freight drivers.

Go burn.

I'm Not Mean, You're Just a Sissy!

Forward: It has come to my attention, thanks partly to my Hobbit, that this blog has two key catchphrases. Both started out as me joking, but on further inspection it is obvious that if my readers don't understand and come to terms with these two catchphrases, then this blog will forever pin me as someone psychologically troubled and extremely pessimistic (which is completely false, as those who follow my OTHER BLOGS know well).

So, the two catchphrases that I want you all to remember when reading this are "I'm not bitter, just opinionated." and "I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."

While the rants contained within are sometimes rather hard to read if you think you're the target, I want my readers to realize that if they read only this blog then they will surely find only the smallest fraction of what makes me who I am.

The real reason I titled this post they way I did is thanks to a co-worker of mine.

I sent out an e-mail on Monday concerning a job that has been driving me insane. I guess in my flurry of business I wasn't "courteous" enough for said co-workers tastes. So, she called and complained to the CEO's secretary about me.

Come on! E-mails are emotionless!

I meant nothing ill by the e-mail, but it was something I needed to send out before leaving on Monday night.

Nevertheless, she got her panties in a wad and I had to apologize to her for hurting her feelings.

Fuck people.

Stop being so damned emotional and insecure!

Just because I don't sugar coat and offer cuddly puppies doesn't mean I'm being angry!

Sometimes I say things business like and without emotion.

Human, remember?

I'm not mean, you're just a sissy.

Hmphf!